The Chrysalis Stage

The chrysalis stage.

Better known as the wilderness.  

I know it well.  I was in it for two years battling a major mental health crisis that crept up on me unexpectedly and then another crisis with my second born after just a few months into my recovery.  

I didn't have time to come up for air before I got knocked down again.

It was a nightmare, a full blown spiritual attack. 

But God.  

I started with His words.  I consumed them like medicine.

Psalm 91 wrapped around me like a weighted blanket. 

John 15 seemed to follow me wherever I went reminding me to cling on to Him.

Psalm 23 was where I hung out the longest, getting to know who the Good Shepherd really is and discovering why His rod and staff is so comforting. 

Hebrews 10:36 coached me through the extra tough moments, which there are many of in the chrysalis stage.

There were days when I felt like goop. 

Just a mushy mess of doubt and uncertainty.  But I hoped and anticipated growth and transformation.  I knew this was a process I had to walk through.  I trusted that even in this stage there's still beauty because God was in it.  I saw glimpses of Him in the beginning.  And the more I trusted that He was there actively moving, molding, and making me new, the more of His presence I was able to see and experience.  

If you look closely at a chrysalis, it's actually quite exquisite.  I love the chrysalis of a monarch butterfly.  It is this jade green with gold detailing.  It's beautiful exterior protecting the mushy goopy mess inside that's filled with the promises and potential of transformation into something even more beautiful and exquisite.  

A lot of unlearning and learning happens in this stage.  A lot of tears were shed and many mistakes were made when I was in it.  But I learned so much.  

For example, I learned that people can unintentionally hurt you in this delicate stage.  They might say the right thing at the wrong time or just say the wrong thing.

I learned that you can also be the one to accidentally hurt people you love during this stage.  Thank God for grace.  Thank God for people who generously gave me grace along the way and was brave enough to let me try again.  

I learned that not everyone needs to know your business and not everyone can understand and handle the mushy mess you are in at this stage...and that's ok.  It was hard for me to embrace this at first because I wanted everyone in my life to be involved and connected.  But most of the time, I just didn't have the words or capacity to explain.  It was all just so much and I was still figuring things out. 

The truth is, the ones that truly know and love you will understand and they will wait for you. 

The ones that God appoints to be a part of your transformation will get you most bc they've walked through it themselves or they’ve journeyed with someone before through their chrysalis period.  They know this stage.  They understand how fragile, painful, and uncomfortable it can get inside that chrysalis.  They know how your soul needs to be protected during this time.  They know all the brave things you must do, most of which is not witnessed by anyone but God.  

Every single person that cares is precious.  

There are many people I have not seen, people I have not spoken to since I first entered the chrysalis stage. I wish I could sit down with each of you and hear how you're doing. I see y'all.  I am so grateful.

I share all this bc I know that there are so many of you who are in the chrysalis stage at this very moment.  Or maybe you are realizing as you read this that you are in the chrysalis stage.

So, to the woman who feels like a mushy goopy mess...

You are not alone.  You are going to be ok.  You are going to get through this.  You are a child of God.  You carry His promises in your spiritual DNA.  

Remember you are Body, Soul, and Spirit.  

Generously tend to all parts of your being.  You are worthy of tender love and care. Be brave.  Be vulnerable.  Don't walk this journey alone.  And don't try to rush it.  Many beautiful things grow in the steady pace of grace.

Remember your feelings are important but they are not always Truth.  They don't define who you are, where you are, and where you're going to be.

Keep your gaze on Jesus.  

Draw close to Him and He will draw close to you (James 4: 7-8). It's a partnership, a dance, a promise. It might be hard to see right now, but He is real and He truly is so very good.  

Healing is yours. 

Restoration belongs to you. Transformation is part of your inheritance. Jesus laid His life down for all this and more. 

So take heart, dear one.  Light up your faith. Do the brave work ahead. 

In the fullness of time, you will be made new. 

You will burst out of that chrysalis in new form and you will get to fly.

I'm Amy Leung.  I've been through some stuff.  I've come out of the chrysalis.

I'm here to help others get through their goopy mushy messy stage and draw out the clarity inside them. 

I create safe and brave spaces for you to unpack the mess inside your life walk in hope and victory. 

Blessings,

a.y.l